Mistakes of the Past. Burdens on the Present.
Despite my mother being generally well-informed about everything, she has one fault that always puts her in an excruciating position—she lives in the past. Despite how fruitful her present may be, she lets her past haunt her forever.
Now, this isn’t an article about my mother. It’s about the toxic inner fear of holding on to our burdens and not knowing when to let go or whether it’s correct.
Fear? Why is it a fear?
The sole reason I put this out as fear is that at the beginning of all this is the unwillingness to let go of articles of the past: our identities, our memories, and our belongings. You’re afraid to lose contact with them.
Well, they start piling up. They become a burden and soon become the basis for present troubles; petty excuses, playing truant, sleepless nights, you name ’em! Aside from being burdens, they often come back to us and haunt us, day in and out, to remind us of something we could have (or not have) done. Slowly it weighs us down, with every day only adding to the grief.
That’s a fear giving rise to inner turmoil. Despite positive thoughts from the past still bolstering your lifestyle now and then, it’s the negative bin of thoughts that cause the worst forms of existential crises and mental imbalances in life.
So what happened?
My last write-up on Medium was published in 2019. THREE years ago! I was also in an emotional and professional slump. I had promised myself and my readers that I’d be back with lots of goodies on the site, but nothing ever surfaced. I don’t blame anyone, not even me, but I could only ask myself, “Why did it happen to me then?”.
I’m no stranger to being depressed, but this wasn’t it. COVID-19 was also off the list, and I’m still going strong with my precautions. Yet, somehow my priorities were all over the place. I was selfishly wasting my time away without caring what followed into tomorrow. I realized how disconnected I was from my peers in every sphere, yet I never did anything about it. I slowly spiraled into a deep, unproductive mess I wish no one else had to go through. A loss of direction and sheer unwillingness to do anything about it wasn’t helping at all.
My biggest mistake was not shouldering my burdens and making them my worst fear. Instead, it was me thinking that only I could shoulder it alone. It was the fear of knowing I had let people down and letting it add to my burdens and trying to hide from them instead of fixing it.
Well, I had to reach out; to everyone I knew. I had to open up. It’s possible that I knew of this all along, but I rediscovered who my real friends were and where I stood with them and made new ones on the way. Most importantly, I was never far away from them. The revelation shattered my core—in a good way. And luckily enough, it also burnt through my burdens.
Selfishness and zeal without proper direction will only serve to slow down, even stop your growth.
Digging up the courage to reach out to others for help changed my view of others in ways I hadn’t thought of before. Of course, I’m still the silly, selfish prick to this day, but realizing there’s more to life than just spending your days thinking of what to get next instead of acting upon it turned me into someone completely different.
What we need are some proper measures.
Whew, that was a big one. So, how do you top that off?
Well, in situations like these, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. So, to start all this, I had to recount what happened to me and what caused me to think of the article’s main point in the first place. So, here are a few things to remember.
Live in the present: It’s easier said than done, but it’s about developing habits. Human beings are free animals, but deep inside us is wired a sense of duty that never fades. As we call it, creatures of habit need a purpose to get us through the day, and that’s where this plays out. Something inside us ticks and reminds us to go back to fix past causes of conflict without resolution. Time may have passed, but the mind keeps chipping away, finding solutions. It’s painful, yet it’s true. Don’t let that take over what’s happening now.
Replace and rework: Adding to the previous point, replace the painful memories of your past that force you to rethink your responsibilities at present as something that you can’t achieve with things that make you feel better. Often, the past burden placed on you mentally makes you unable to see through that with proper foresight. As a result, it forces you into a mediocre position, even worse, disables you from practical action.
Instead of thinking, “I can’t do this.”. Why not ask yourself, “What do I learn so I can do this?” or “Who do I ask for help so I can do this?”?
It requires a firm resolve but becomes easier with time and practice. I’m still loaded with multiple things daily, but I’ve had worse. Slowly and surely, you’ll end up finding unique ways for yourself to solve your troubles.
Identify baggage: Oh, this isn't easy. We’re somehow hoarding multiple things—emotional or physical. Physically it could be a diary from a friend who has passed away, an unfinished poem, or your first mobile phone (It’s a Nokia. A Nokia!). Emotionally, the memories attached to them only remind you of the good-old times.
The memories associated with them are fleeting, yet we still keep those things around as a token of what’s behind us.
Naturally, we don’t want to tag these as baggage. To label them as baggage means acknowledging them as burdens we are obligated to carry with us till the bitter end. But it has to be done. The goal here is to have both body and mind in the present—at sync.
And finally, getting rid of it: Before I start, don’t burn the diary. How could you? Getting rid of baggage isn’t the same as disposing of items.
It’s about compromise—compromising with your past self. The present you has to make space for what happens now, and for that to happen, you have to come to terms with your past self and adjust accordingly. Giving away every piece of time toward what HAPPENED is meaningless. You have to make your past self realize that it’s your time to exist and not theirs.
What’s next?
I’ve found a direction towards which I build myself every day. This happened slowly after realizing that you needn’t carry everything wrong about your past to move forward. So reminisce, but don’t be weighed down by what’s gone. Remember, but don’t regret missing things that were either out of your reach or ability.
Positivity comes in many forms, and it will only start working if you bother making the first step. So hunger for the new, and remember there’s always someone to reach out to.
End note: I have no idea how regularly I’ll write over here but whew! It feels nice to be back!
